Sirlaugh’s Blog

January 29, 2009

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

Filed under: Uncategorized — sirlaugh @ 2:32 pm

This girl was ugly. I took her to a dog show. She won.

This girl was ugly. I took her to a plastic surgeon. He added a tail.

This girl was ugly. I took her to the beach. The tide went out and
stayed there.

Ah, one thing in football don’t make sense. The two-minute warning.
What’s the big warning? Everyone knows you have two minutes to play.
To me a two-minute warning is … like when you’re in bed with a
chick. The phone rings. It’s her husband on his car-phone. He says,
“Honey, I’ll be home in two minutes.” That’s a two-minute warning!

Oh, my wife told me she needs five thousand dollars – all her
mother’s teeth have to come out. I told her, “I’ll give you ten
thousand dollars – take her tongue out!”

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly – he told me to lay
on the couch – face down!

Oh, the other night, my wife met me at the front door, she was
wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble is – she was coming home!

I can’t lose any weight, I tried jogging – I keep running into restaurants!

Oh, my wife signed me up for a bridge club – I jump off next Tuesday!

I’m getting old. I got no sex life – why, if I squeeze into a parking
space I’m sexually satisfied!

Oh, I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep
out of those places!

Oh, my old man was strict – he allowed no drinking in the house. I
had two brothers who died of thirst!

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