Sirlaugh’s Blog

April 26, 2009

Actual Passport Letter

Filed under: Uncategorized — sirlaugh @ 1:42 pm

An actual letter to the passport office…

Dear sirs:

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal
Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my
social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for
the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license,
on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs
declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes
over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are
done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is
Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!! SHIT!

I apologize, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve
had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you
ask me for my fuckin’ address. What is going on? You have a gang of
Neanderthal assholes workin’ there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like
Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want
to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan
on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not
want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and
get another fuckin’ copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would
it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in
the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that’d be too damn
easy and maybe makes sense. You’d rather have us running all over the
fuckin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole
to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where
we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin’ morons)

Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!

Signed – An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since
1776 …. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have
had security clearances up the yingyang.. However, I have to get someone
‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS


You Sure In The Hell Should Know Who.


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